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If only you knew..If only you knew..
That I loved you.
That I wanted to do all the right things.
That I would have helped if I could.
That I would have taken your tears when you cried.
If only you knew..
That I was broken.
That I wanted you with me.
That I want to take back my regrets.
That I wanted to see you again.
If only you knew..
That I was slowly slipping.
That I wanted a way out.
That you couldn't have helped.
That it wasn't your fault.
If only you knew..
That all my dreams are of what I could have done.
What I could have been.
What I could have seen.
That all my fantasies are of the worlds that don't exist.
Of the places that hold so much magic.
Life of a Fake SoulThe lights come on, the curtains open and once again, I'm the main attraction.
No one knows my pain, not even myself for I cannot conceive it.
I cannot know it, I cannot feel it, I cannot express it.
I do as I'm told, with these strings guiding my movement
And someone above, unknown to me is controlling my entirety.
Once the show begins, I start my charade.
I glide on the stage, like a dancer who's trained since the day he's begun.
Travel with grace and lighthearted steps.
Move to the tone set for me, and put on like I know how this is supposed to feel.
I don't. I never have. I never will.
These strings that bind me, don't teach me.
They control me. They keep me useful. They make me survive.
But eventually they'll become tangled and break.
They won't be able to guide me anymore, and then I'll be useless.
For they didn't bring me the emotion, they forced it.
They didn't help me on my way, they pushed and pulled until it was right.
How they wanted it to be.
They didn't show me how to be
Me and My True MaskI stay inside myself, only letting a mask of the true me out.
Only I'm allowed to see the real me, since anyone else would break it.
The mask I put out is the one everyone wants to see,
The one the world accepts.
They don't want the real me,
the one that looks battered and bruised from before.
No, they want the prestige image that's from everyone's dreams,
not the reality.
My mask is my only friend, though my mask has plenty of friends.
I will forever be with my mask, and my mask only,
Since my mask is the only one that accepts the true me.
But once I met someone, they didn't like my mask.
We asked them why and they said they could see past it,
and thought the mask I put up was worse.
That day I didn't understand, but that person wanted to take away my mask,
To let out the true me and speak with them face to face.
I ran, for my mask was too soft to this person, too transparent,
and that scared me.
My mask was my only friend, and it shall stay as my only friend,
While the world sees the
ForgottenI've forgotten how to smile, and you?
You're my amnesia.
The one who took away the memory.
I've forgotten how to laugh, and you?
You walk by and laugh at me for being me.
For being the thing you made me into.
I've forgotten how to love, and you?
You stay behind the others, with the one who holds you dear.
Because they haven't seen the creature you've made of me.
I've forgotten how to feel, and you?
You remind me, by pointing out the flaws and scarring them into me.
Making it so the only things that fill me is hatred, for myself and the world you've made me see.
I've forgotten how to live, and now?
I'll make it go away, by making myself forget to stop pulling the trigger.
Forget to look both ways.
Forget to stop when the tub fills red.
Forget to not down the bottle.
Now I'm a memory, one the world regrets.
Does that mean, that you'll soon forget me too?
Bloodied HeartsI looked around at the world with disgust, day in and day out. Everyone describes the world in blues or greens.
I describe it in red. Blood red. Not bright, or faded. Only dark, sickening red.
Most people know the expression 'blood on your hands'. Well, for me it's more than an expression. It's life.
I can really see it. Every person, every being that I've ever seen has some. Yes, even I have some.
The worst part is that it doesn't go away. I've tried washing it off, even covering it with the real thing. But no, it's still there and it won't wash away.
It's an odd thing when I walk down the street. Everywhere I look, it's on every person.
Some people only have it on their hands. Some people have it on their feet, and occasionally on their clothes. That's how bad it is.
Their's no way to escape it, but that doesn't mean I don't try to. I don't let people touch me, and rarely do I let them get near me at all.
It's a lonely life, but it's easier than being near someone that you can see wh
Glass HeartsYou were a child, born with a heart of glass.
Always everyday, it would happen. Someone would come and I would hope with all my heart that they would come to love me. To listen to me, instead of hear me. To see me, instead of look at me. To comfort me, instead of patronize me.
And always everyday, the same result. They couldn't, or they wouldn't. They didn't care enough to try. And that's what made my heart so fragile, one that was as thin as glass.
You were a child, with a heart that was cracked.
After all the times my heart would build up its walls, only to be smoothed down into a transparent shield, it finally had enough.
My heart could never hold the love that it was destined to never have, for it was cracked. No one would try to fix it, not even me; for I saw no point.
If someone ever has the emotion enough to care, then I shall turn into the world around me, and simply let it slip through this crack that the world has given me.
This crack, that shows that the world
All day long - These battlesAll day long, these battles with myself.
All day long, I'm trying my best not to listen.
All day long, I'm trying my best to not believe.
This voice in my head, sounds so deathly close to my own.
Why must it be so different at the same time?
What did I do to make me hate myself so much?
All day long, I'm disagreeing.
All day long, I'm wondering.
All day long, I'm yelling.
All day long, I'm pleading.
This voice keep telling me all the things wrong.
Wrong with myself, wrong with the others.
It's telling me the truth that I don't want to hear.
It's telling me all the things that it knows I hold dear.
Why do you try to break me?
Why are you so fun to break?
Why do you not think I'm worth it?
Why do you not have a dollar to your name?
Why do you say I'll never find happiness?
Why do you push away anything worth while?
Why do you want me to live and keep torturing me like this?
Why do you want to end it and stop the torment?
For any que
City of Hidden TruthIn this city, everything is right with the world.
People are cheerful, they can be whoever they want to be and are not judged.
They can be the most loved or disliked person, but they will all be treated the same.
Everyone here has a talent and they do with it what they please.
No one pushes, no one tempers, no one discourages.
It's the perfect world for those who want acceptance.
Everyone has a smile of warmth and welcome, along with a voice that has no malice.
And who could want anything more?
Anyone who wanted the truth, and that is why they stay until night breaks.
In this city, once the light of day chooses to sleep,
the night decides to let out the truth that is hidden under all the sweet lies.
Here, once night beckons, these people show their true colors.
All those voices that sounded so sweet,
now sound like scraping gravel all the way to the quiet whispers of a memory you can't put your finger on.
All those faces that were once so pretty,
now look like that of a w
Suicidal SaviorNo matter how hard i try to make others happy, even when im not, it still isnt enough
I quietly suffer, while everyone else just enjoys the happiness they have
Even in plain site i cry, and no one comes to help me, no one even realizes
I play my part as the empty shell of nothing, focusing my attention on everyone else even when my heart is broken in two
they all say they care, they all think they understand, they all have no idea what im going through
I hear the voices that aren't there, i see the shadows that have no person, and i feel the sorrow that is my only reality
And you say you know what im going through, yet you have no idea what its like to be me
To not know whats real, whats not real, to have absolutely no one...no one who can come and save you
So im sorry im not happy, im sorry i dont care, im sorry that i exist
I'm sorry that i think i matter, to even have the thought that you should care
But no matter how hard i try, i must believe that one person does care
GoodbyeLike the beautiful being you are,
you kiss my lips,
and tell me you love me.
You hold my hand and tell me to hold on-
to stay alive.
You cry and say you cant live without me-
you would die without me.
Your arms engulf me in the most warming embrace.
that you would never have to let me go.
But me life still slips away,
ever so slowly-
letting me get my last glimpse of your face,
And as you realize that i am gone,
your tears touch my face,
and your heart breaks over my death.
When I Said I Loved YouWhen I said I loved you
I wasn't kidding.
I wasn't joking.
I fucking meant it
And I still do.
BreakableI'm sorry I didn't fight for you.
That's what you wanted, isn't it?
You wanted me to fall at your feet and beg you to stay, not to leave me.
But you did leave me.
I think you need to realize something,
You had already broken my heart once that day, and to be honest...
I just didn't want it broken again.
Good Night My LoveSleep my darling,
No mater how far apart we are,
I'll always protect thee,
I'll protect you from the nightmare,
N' bring joy to your sleep,
So rest your head my love,
You deserve every sweet dream.
Parents Break HeartsParents break hearts
I guess it's only natural
You trust them from the very start
They tell you they're the one to call
And you take them for every word
Because it's what you've always heard
At least until you lose it all
Or maybe you didn't know them in the first place
But always dreamed of their perfection
Their open arms and smiling faces
Looking back at your reflection
They're ruining your life without doing a thing
By always leaving you questioning
What you did to be left the lonely one
Either way they get your soul for countless years
As you try to go along with life
And either you're left in tears
Cause they just love to twist that knife
Staying or leaving, nobody can win
I guess it just sucks to be anyone's kin
Yet still more and more become husband and wife
I've started thinking family is a curse
You always end up filled with pain and lies
I really can't tell which part is worse
But it always ends when the love dies
It hurts to be cared for cause one day it’s done
My reality dreamYou were my dream that became my living reality
A perfect being who i never thought existed
A sweet soul with no fear in love
You were my fairy tale that never ended...
You were the only one who could know my deepest secrets,
my darkest truths
You broke down my walls with a single word,
a single expression
Everything about you i truly loved and nothing about you could make me see different
Even at my darkest moments you knew how to make me see the light
And even when i knew it not,
you loved me for me,
no matter how cruel i was to you
And your love was what saved me from losing myself in the most saddest way...
Like a dream,
my life became wonderful
reality turned into a fairy tale
And everything was a beautiful story
you're beautifulyou're beautiful.
You're a book full of words…
you're a mystery.
I try to read between the lines,
Take a peek beneath your smile…
But I cannot see.
I’m too scared to blink
Afraid of missing something.
I want to sneak into your mind
Just listen to you think.
What goes on in there?
You walk with your head bowed…
Why won’t you let me look into your eyes?
I need you to Look up for a moment.
I need one glance,
Just hold still, give me a chance.
You’re different from all the other boys
I need to know what’s in your heart
May I come in?
I won’t knock too hard
I promise I will not leave you broken
I will not leave you scarred,
I just want to see the treasure that’s hidden in your heart.
Don't let me walk away
Why are you so mysterious?
I really don't mean to be rude
Nor do I mean to intrude
But why are you sad?
I...I just want to touch you
Absorb all the sorrow from you
I want to Absorb all you
Mirror, MirrorMirror, Mirror
On the wall
Who's the deadliest one of all?
If it says me, then it stays true.
Soon the bloodiest will be you.
On the wall
Who's the one that they all call?
If it says God, then it stays true.
Soon the one dying will be you.
On the wall
What's the loveliest of them all?
If it says Death, then it stays true.
Soon the painting will be of you.
What's that noise?
That shattering, crashing jumbled noise.
If it stays silent then it's still true.
The one who smashed it, true as you.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More